We all know breakups can be bad, but when children are involved, you are often placed in the position of having to deal with your ex until your children are off to college. We all have exes that we can have friendships maintained with while others we are happy to not be in contact with. I know how hard it can be dealing with the other parent from experience, so, today I decided to cover the topic of how to tolerate your child’s other parent in case any of you are experiencing the same situation.
Use a Mediator
If you never want to see your ex again, there is a way to do that, with a mediator. This could be a mutual friend or relative that does all of the transporting of the children between parents. This person would let you know when the other parent wants to visit with their children and come and pick them up from you, drop them off to their parent, and return them back to your home.
You could also provide the mediator with the other parent’s contact information to confirm court-appointed visitation if a visitation order is in place.
If the breakup is new and ended on bad terms, it is highly recommended that you communicate electronically instead of talking on the phone. Multiple options are available in this day in age ,such as email, social media, or a texting app. This is a great option for those who ended things because of domestic violence. This way you can avoid getting into confrontations with the ex and it is less likely that you will get into a confrontation with them or steer off the topic of the kids if voices are not being used.
In the event that you are amidst a custody battle, keep your texts as they may be needed later. If your phone does not allow you to save dozens of texts, consider printing out a complete conversation at a time.
Keep it About the Kids
New breakups are hard to handle, especially if you had other plans in mind for the future. However, the kids have to remain your priority. Whenever speaking with your ex make sure that the conversation is 100% about the kids. Don’t veer off topic and start discussing relationship problems because they are your ex for a reason, there’s no need to relive the past or hold grudges against them because of it. All conversations should be about the kids.
Let’s face it; everyone isn’t mature about breaking up. Rules need to be established between the two of you to keep each household from being disrupted when the kids are there. One of the main rules should be no bad talking of the other parent in front of the children. Don’t ruin their childhood because things couldn’t work out between you two.
When kids are involved during a breakup/divorce/separation, it is important to tolerate the other parent if they are going to play a role in the child’s life — regardless of how large or small that role may be. I understand you may not like your ex, but you have to keep your child’s best interest in mind at all times.
What are your best tips for couples who have children and split to be able to tolerate each other?