Women become single moms for a variety of reasons. Usually, when it happens it was not the plan from the start, especially for those who are single mothers of multiple children. However, once you do become a single mom you are stuck caring for the children 24/7 (sometimes), handling all of their and your expenses alone, and it is easy to find yourself overwhelmed or feeling like your back is against the wall. But, society is referring to single motherhood as “the new norm”.
As a single mom, I know how hard things can be and today decided to share five truths of being a single mom. We may feel or have felt like one of the things listed below at some point in time, but regardless we have to keep pushing for our children.
You May Isolate Yourself
When you first become a single mom it is easy to isolate yourself. Sometimes its unintentional while other times its intentional. Who can blame you right? You have had a major change happen in your life and you now have to run an entire household by yourself, so it doesn’t leave time for hanging out with family and friends because you have to make sure the lights stay on and your kids have a roof over their heads.
Other times, you may feel like no one can relate to your positon, people may not support your choice to become a single mom, or people may just have a lot of negativity that they send your way, therefore, you find it’s just easier to stay to yourself.
While nothing is wrong with wanting to take a break from everyone and everything (trust me I have my moments where I take break from society and shut down my phone), it can be unhealthy and you also want to make sure that you don’t push people away who actually care about you and your kid/s and have your best interest at heart.
You May Turn to Drinking as a Coping Mechanism
Drinking is a great way to take the edge off after a long day or week. We see all of the memes that joke about parenting and wine. However, this can get out of hand when used as a coping mechanism.
What may start as a way to relax/unwind at the end of the day can progress from a cup of wine a night/week, to a bottle of wine a night/week to a few shots of vodka a night/week to a bottle of vodka a night/week. It’s easy to turn to drinking for all of your problems, but it is not a good idea, even if you may be someone who could down a fifth a night and still function in the morning with your kids.
Alcoholism is very real and the last thing you need is to develop a drinking problem because it will not only affect your health, but eventually it will bring your whole life down, especially when you find you have to start drinking earlier in the day.
You May Wonder Why You Even Bother
If you’re a single mom that has no support from the dad at all when it comes to raising the kids, it can easily become a question of “Why should I bother”. Kids can test your patience at all stages and it can seem like you do so much to make ends meet for them and they appreciate nothing while the other parent is out doing whatever they like and your kid/s may even favor him over you.
I’ll be honest I have asked myself this question more than once. For example, if the kids break something I just purchased them, act out in school or at home, I think why even bother. Why do I continue allowing them privileges, taking them places, and purchasing new items if in return they don’t value anything that comes their way?
My solution for this feeling is talking to other moms. I have two groups I frequent where other “broken moms” mingle and we provide advice, encouragement, and motivation to lift each other up when one of us is feeling overly broken. This may not be a solution for everyone, but I figured I would share what works for me.
Let’s face it, we all know how judgmental the internet and society can be when it comes to how parents really feel so finding a group where parents keep it 100% real was a must for me and it has kept me from sinking into a depressive state over the years.
You May Feel Like You Need to Go to a Mental Institution
As a mom of three boys, you can probably imagine that this is another thing that I have experienced. I have suffered from depression in the past and I won’t lie sometimes my kids can be a bit much and I feel like I am only a few steps away from checking myself into a mental ward. In fact, in my opinion, this is a truth for all moms (single or not). Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. At some point, we feel like we are at our mental breaking point, it’s one of the hidden truths of parenting in general that no one ever advertises.
You May Think of Running Away
Remember when you were a kid and you couldn’t wait to grow up so you could do what you wanted to do, not have rules, and were tempted to run away when you couldn’t get your way? That has nothing on the feeling you will have as a single mom. In fact, you may feel like running away more as a single mom than you did as a kid. The bills will keep piling up, the routine becomes dull and tiring, and it seems like you can never get the time to get everything that you need done in a day. Another normal feeling, as long as it doesn’t get to the point where you just pack up your bags and book a plane ticket and plan to leave the kids behind (unless they are adults of course, lol).
Being a single mom is hard. These are five of the truths that come along with being a single mom. While none of them are overly bad as at some point we may or have already experienced them, if they seem to be affecting your parenting or working abilities it is time to seek professional help.
If you are feeling a little overwhelmed with the kids and need some parenting advice or just to read some content that relates to your life, I recommend checking out ParentsNeed. There you can find reviews for kids products, how to handle finances with kids, and parenting tips for children of all ages.
What is one of your truths of being a single mom?